Watching the Kentucky Derby is not like watching the Super Bowl. Sit down to catch the NFL championship, and it's an all-day affair of cheering for a team that is not yours and, for some, watching commercials. Well, the Derby lasts about as long as two of those cute Budweiser Clydesdale ads. Horses line up, horses go. Two minutes later, it's all over.
So, if you are going to make it a whole afternoon party, there are really only two ways to do it: Drinking and gambling. I understand the crowd on the ground in Churchill Downs treats it in much the same way.
So, to make it a good Derby day, follow the six easy steps listed below, in no particular order:
1. Construct yourself a ridiculously overdone hat. Get a normal hat and keep adding weirdness to it until it can be seen from space. Handkerchiefs, tulle, scale models of horses, feathers, sparklers, whatever. Wear it to the party.
2. Make people dress nicely. Having your loser friends hang out in t-shirts and flip-flops is definitely not in the spirit of the day. This is a dignified event, and proper respect should be shown. If you need a dress code, "Colonel Sanders semi-formal" works. Encourage linen suits.
3. Make it a game. Have guests pick horses to win, place and show. Familiarize yourself with terms like trifeca, perfecta and superfecta. Gather money at the door and create a payout system based on best results. Someone scoring a (unlikely) superfecta should get an ungodly share of the loot, while someone who just picks the winner should get a respectable sum. Remember, picking the winner is going to be hard enough: None of the guests are going to know one iota about horse racing, and all wagers will be based on superstition and the pre-race coverage.
4. Have some food. Though the traditional dish is a stew made of various meats and veg called burgoo, any lovely finger food is good. Stay away from messy stuff like wings, as your guests will be wearing nice clothes, and will all be pretending to be civilized.
5. Have some food. Yeah, I said it again. That's because it is crucial. This is not a beer-swilling casual event. This is a dignified undertaking, and so people will be drinking lots of dignified beverages made of straight alcohol with no mixers. If people aren't able to buffer their drinks with food, everyone will be plastered before the race starts. While this may be cool for the amusement factor of a lot of well-dressed people wearing silly hats stumbling around, it's not really proper to get good and hammered until after the race.
6. Drink mint juleps. Really, you have no choice. Mint juleps are the Derby. They've been consumed there for over 100 years, first in silver cups, then in souvenir glassware. Respect the tradition. I'm not saying you should kick someone out who insists on quaffing a Bud Light, but you should definitely direct some very stern and disapproving glances their way.
But, as important as the last one is, there's a big problem: It can be damned difficult to make a proper julep. Either you get too much alcohol, not enough alcohol, too sweet, not sweet enough, not enough mint, etc. It can be maddening. And during the party is not the time to be experimenting with unsuccessful juleps. After all, you do want people to be tipsy enough that you can slip in and make the appropriate bets for the superfecta pot, because you have been studying the horses and their jockeys for the past month. You have been studying, haven't you?
Lucky for you, Geoffrey Wilson from Loa in New Orleans is here to help. While not a traditional mint julep, his "Fairgrounds Julep" is more complex, more balanced and just tastes better. It also will knock you on your ass if you don't follow steps 4 and 5 above.
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Fairgrounds Julep1oz Rittenhouse Rye
1oz Pierre Ferrand Cognac
1/2oz Smith & Cross Jamaican rum
1/2oz simple syrup
Dash of Angostura bitters
A bunch of fresh mint
In a Collins-style glass (you can probably use a normal drinking glass if you don't have one), muddle 10-12 mint leaves. Take a muddler and push and twist on the mint in the bottom of the glass like four times, just to release the oils. Then fill the glass with crushed ice.
Add to the glass the rye, Cognac, simple syrup and bitters. Grab a bar spoon and stir until well incorporated, and you've got the mint all mixed in. Add some more crushed ice.
Grab your Smith & Cross and consider floating it on top. I actually prefer it mixed in, but I'll let you decide. Garnish with a sprig of mint.
Note: You can't just substitute any old rum if you don't have the Smith & Cross. S&C has more of a rhum agricole taste which, if you are not used to it, is very weird-tastic
Another note: When I said these would knock you on your ass, I was not kidding. You have 2 1/2oz of alcohol here, with no mixer, which goes down easy. The components? Rye: 100 proof. Cognac: 80 proof. Rum: A punishing 114 proof. Consider yourself warned.
Horse note: For this year's Derby, keep an eye out for Rosie Napravni, the only female jockey in the race, riding Mylute.
Rittenhouse Rye
Product of USA
$22 at Applejack
Pierre Ferrand Cognac Ambre
Product of France
$46 at Applejack
Smith & Cross Traditional Jamaica Rum
Product of Jamaica and UK
$31 at Total Beverage
